Friday, October 28, 2005

The Townie of College Football

This is response to a question on the Blogpoll Roundtable X+1 by Sexy Results.

Name the five teams, other than yours, whose accomplishments you respect / envy the most. Use whatever criteria you feel is appropriate (wins, titles, consistency, academic integrity, competitive integrity, NCAA violations, general thuggery, mascot intimidation factor ...). Fresno State was one of the schools he named, and he is a Virginia Wahoo fan.

Fresno State

- One of the ultimate "it's funny to me" moments of college was seeing a couple of SAE's and PIKA's going at it outside Coupe's, a scuffle likely brought on by a heated argument over which house does a better job of acting like they're from Mississippi instead of, say, Bethesda or Cobb County. Anyways, amongst the ruckus, a cry rises above the fray: "MY NORTH FACE!" Fight over.

You see, a lot of frat guys like to talk about how they like to throwdown, but that needs to be tempered a bit: they like throwing down with other frat guys. Preferably at their own house. Trust me, it's a lot easier to be a dick at the party entrance when you know 30 of your brothers are looking to knee the guy when he's on the ground. Otherwise, you might get a scramble, but it's over when the first frat pelt gets ripped.

But this much is true: no frat guy wants to fight a townie. It doesn't matter whether they're short or tall, fat or an obvious meth-head, or even a female; you simply don't know what they're capable of, and they fucking hate you. Although he may have a Trout Unlimited sticker on his 4Runner, you can be fairly certain Tad Chesterton IV isn't packing a Bowie knife. But that guy who spilled his Nantucket Nectar on your Patagonia outside of the White Spot? You'd rather not find out the hard way.

Anyways, Fresno is like the townie of college football: you might think about trading blows with them, but eventually someone busts in with the "it's not worth it, MAN!" Most mid-major schools rise to prominence either by way of a bizarre offensive scheme or a once-in-a-lifetime talent. Fresno just wants to beat the shit out of you with a bunch of fat Samoans and JUCO guys. They'd probably challenge Notre Dame to a game in a Long John Silver's parking lot and call 'em a bunch of flamers if they turned it down.

I don't know if this should be taken as an insult or a compliment. Anyways, Bulldog fans we at least know there are few fat Samoans or JUCO's on the team, but Pat Hill and the boys would love to beat the shit out of Notre Dame in a Long John Silver's parking lot.

and check the link at the top to Sexy Results and read the comments at the bottom of the Pat Hill the Suge Knight of college football?

Just don't think evil thoughts about either one.

1 comment:

Ian said...

Compliment. Fresno State has all of my respect in the world until UVA beats them in a rematch they should be demanding.